Do you want to call in a romantic partner who loves you for you who are?
In Chapter 6 of the book Deeper Dating by Ken Page, he shares a 5-minute practice you can do to connect in with the energy of meeting the partner of your dreams.
Dating as an Adult Child of an Alcoholic
Setting healthy boundaries
The essence of doing the 5-minute practice that Ken describes is connecting in with the love that you desire to bring into your life. This is a practice meant to be authentic to you. You can write out an affirmation you repeat, you can visualize yourself with your partner, or you can create a place you go to in. your mind that feels loving. It is completely up to you how you want this 5-minute practice to go.
Then you are encouraged to practice it every day! Although this might feel like a big commitment, what is 5-minutes a day if it means you'll be manifesting the partner you desire? Plus it should feel like a loving practice and a way you can show yourself love every day.
All of the aforementioned topics that we cover in the episode are all connected to recognizing. your own worth, expressing your truth and showing others how you deserve to be treated.
When we are in the dynamic of someone else's feelings impacting our own well-being, then that can be considered codependency. Depending on your upbringing, this may come naturally for you in relationships.
Being an Adult Child of an Alcoholic, codependency is something that I've naturally taken on as a behaviour because it's how I survived as a child. Always scanning and picking up how my parents were feeling and that determining how safe and taken care of I would feel at that moment.
Although this can help us navigate things as children, it doesn't create overly healthy relationships as adults. In the episode. If you are noticing this behaviour within yourself, I recommend giving the episode a listen and see if there is more about it that you can relate to.
If you are used to being in codependent dynamics, you may also feel uncomfortable setting healthy boundaries with your partners or people in your life in general.
"We often confuse boundaries with control. Control is outside of us. When we create boundaries, they come from within and they go around us to protect us, whereas control gets put outside of yourself. A lot of us are walking around trying not to get hurt, but unless we allow ourselves the opportunity to get hurt, then we don’t receive what we want," Katrina shares in the episode.
Setting healthy boundaries is how we show others how we deserve to be treated. Sometimes we think that a "no" is hurtful, but it can be a gift. When you are feeling good about how you are being treated, then you are going to show up differently in the relationship and from more of a loving space.
Ways in which you can set healthy boundaries are:
Express what your needs are and why.
Explain why it's something you need versus making it about the other person.
When these boundaries are crossed, make sure it is known and a new commitment is made on how to ensure this does not happen again. This can either mean walking away from the relationship or by establishing what the consequences will be if it happens again.
I often don't recommend giving too many chances when it comes to your boundaries, because that's how they get weakened. If someone is crossing boundaries with you regarding what you deem as necessary for your own well-being and the overall health of your relationship (both together and with yourself), then that is often a strong signal regarding whether they are willing to show up for you in the ways that you need.
This You Relationship podcast relationship is a way in which you can not only explore your way of operating within relationships but will also give you ways in which you can make it into a healthier and more conscious experience.